These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials*

  • Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
  • A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
  • Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
  • A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
  • Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
  • A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
  • Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
  • A: What did your last slave die of?
  • Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
  • A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
  • Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
  • ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
  • Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )
  • A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
  • Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
  • A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
  • Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
  • A: You are a British politician, right?
  • Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
  • A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
  • Milk is illegal.
  • Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
  • A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
  • You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
  • Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
  • A: Only at Christmas.
  • *Not really real for real, but very funny.